EMO ALERT
Today is a bust. My whole head hurts from crying so much. I can’t even.
Mostly of late I have had a handle of sorts on my mental state. Things in general haven’t been brilliant, but mostly ok. And then there was today. If going to the shrink is supposed to make you better then my shrink is broke and I want a new one.
I’m not ready to deal with the whys and hows of my having this deep seated urge to end myself when my moods hit rock bottom. Because at the back of my mind, in dark places I spend most days trying not to go I know why. And it scares me shitless to think that I’m going to have to confront it because I simply don’t have the capacity to even imagine how I’m going to get past it.
The worst part of this is that I feel like such a failure as a person right now is that I genuinely believe if did throw a seven, not only would no one care, I doubt they’d even fucking notice. And I prefer it that way. How fucked is that? I want to die and I don’t even want anyone to notice.
